sharing the shenny sauce
by TuesdayTerrible
Summary: "I love you, but Im not in love with you." [Shenny. If you know how to read between the lines.]


A/N: Im hopping on the shennysauce bandwagon- it seemed like fun, so here ya go. Its not my best work- but Im tentatively fond of it. As always read and review, I cant tell you enough how much they mean or how much i appreciate them.

Summary: "I love you, but Im not in love with you."

* * *

He hears her in the bathroom, the light pours out from under the door in a small stream that causes him to roll over and into himself. He realizes vaguely, that he smells like her- and with a small unfamiliar pain he realizes that doesnt bother him. She's talking to herself, and even with his vulcan hearing he cant quite pick up the words. He glances at clock next on her end table next to her bed, its 3:18AM- highly unlikely she's on the phone he realizes- as Leonard is away visiting kin, he is surely asleep and even party girls dont start partying this late...early.

_ I love you. _He hears her say and his breath nearly chokes him as he rolls over to face the bathroom door and the dull yellow light. _But Im not in love with you._

_He squeezes his eyes closed as the bedroom door shuts. He listens to her feet scuff softy against the carpet and he can feel her hover at the end of the bed, a momentary pause before her bedroom door softly closes leaving him to the privacy of her room. _

_ His heart beats abnormally loud in his ears._

__I know. ___He whispers to the silence. ___I know.__

_._

"Hey Sheldon, Leonard back yet?"

He pauses scanning the formulas he scrawled across the board. "Did you know Penny, in another universe, you are a successful actress."

She smiles, intrigued by his comment and finds her way to his spot on the couch. He notices, but says not, the world dancing before his eyes is to beautiful to ignore.

"Whatcha workin on there sweetie?" Penny says, the smile bright on her face, her head tilted to the side.

He knows she doesn't see the equations on the board like he does, he knows she cant see the world hes painting with his marker. But she knows its there. She knows it exists and she yearns to see it in the way he yearns to see her happy.

"Its a multi-universal theory, using some of the contents of string theory I can..." he cut himself off. The technicalities is not what he wanted to show her. He wanted her to understand. He cleared his throat and with some thought continued. "I take comfort in the infinite possibilities of this life, and know even when things arent succeeding here, perhaps, they are somewhere else."

"I like that too, Sheldon- do you think.."

"Leonard will be back this evening Penny."

And just like that- the wedge is driven between them just as it should be. He wonders if she realizes how intimate these conversations were to him, and if they were anything more than trivial to her.

"Guess Ill see you later then." She pauses at the door, for only a moment before adding as if it were a second thought. "I enjoy talking to you Sheldon."

_I love you but Im not in love with you._

_ I know. _

.

It's Amy who broke up with him like that, though it was rather reversed. She had set in the chair across from his spot, hot beverage in hand and watery eyes. Her posture was straight and her voice was level and he should have noticed something was wrong before he had.

"You arent interested in persuing a relationship with me anymore, are you?"

He's caught off gurad as he sets his cup of tea down on the coffee table, leaning towards her and still keeping the same respectable distance from her proximity. "Amy what are you insinuating? You know I think of our relationship very fondly..."

She had cut him off with a wave of her hand, her voice sharp and cold- a sound he wasnt quite use to from her. It made him flinch, and pull back as if the wave of her hand had been a strike to his face.

"Yes, you love me but your not IN love with me. And...its not enough anymore Sheldon. " her voice cracks at the statement- the unspoken truth, and Sheldon finds that his mouth has gone irreparably dry.

She was quiet as she set her cup down in the sink before picking up her handbag, her eyes never meeting his. He hadnt moved from his spot as he wasnt sure what to do in this situation, he watched her as she moved and when she froze with her hand on the door knob- he hadnt moved to stop her.

She surprised him once again, "You really should tell her." and than she slammed the door.

.

He's coming down there hallway when he hears Leonards whine at the door. He's arguing with Penny- he recognizes the sounds. He knows he should just turn around and go back to his room- instead he finds himself curious, frozen to the spot.

Their voices rise and just like that a wave of anger crashes through the apartment and he is scurrying away from it into his bedroom- because no matter what the argument is- he knows thats where the two of them will end up. He digs for his noise canceling headphones, and trys to convince himself he's just worried about his sleep.

.

They dont end up in Leonards room, and Leonard doesnt end up over at Pennys. Leonard doesnt talk about it the next morning and Sheldon doesnt ask. He isnt ready to know.

_You really should tell her._

He curses his eidetic memory but not as much as he curses his feet as they make their way across the hall to Penny's apartment.

He cant breathe, and the urge to double back and run is so powerful, his legs are shaking. Years of prank wars, laundry nights, soft kittys, hospital runs, milk thievings and awkward intense hugs flash through his eyes and keeps him grounded to the spot.

He raises his fist to knock, an image of a messy haired Penny dancing foolishly in his kitchen making breakfast. The sound of his fists hitting the door the only thing tying him to the present.

_I love you_

"Penny."

He sees her driving him around with her while she tries to get her acting career started.

"Am I an idiot?"

"We're dreamers Penny."

_I love you._

"Penny."

He sees her standing in front of his white board, the first time she ever set foot into his apartment. Her eyes glisten with excitement, and if he was more inclined he would have noticed the small flirty smile that grazed her features.

"So youre like one of those beautiful mind genius guys?"

_But __your not i__n__ love with me._

"Penny."

She answers, just as the last syllable of her name leaves his mouth. She smiles up at him and his heart hammers in his chest so hard he's positive he's about to spontaneously explode. "Whats up?"

Its all or nothing. Now or never. Be a man. Be a man. Be a man.

.

"I have something I wish to tell you."

.

x

Fin


End file.
